This column provides information of a sexually explicit nature. If the discussion of sexual topics disturbs or offends you, now is the time to stop reading and move on to the wide diversity of other information offered in this newsletter.
It is my hope to provide information which is topical and not specific or particular to any sexual orientation. That's just what it is -- information. It's not a mandate or an edict. Just some friendly advice that you can choose to listen to or not as the case may be. If you have a better way of doing something, write in so we can call benefit from it. If you have a topic which you'd like addressed, please let us know.
The last article provided pointers about minimizing the stresses of purchasing your first dick. This one provides information of a more personal nature. Some of you may feel that the last thing that you need is someone who looks like a grizzled mountain guy/biker dude (and balding at that) discussing the finer points of wanking off, but it's the topic for the quarter and it's what I intend to discuss. When Marcus first suggested masturbation, as a topic of course, I thought to myself "great! Something that I know a lot about." However, in writing the article I realized that I knew a lot less than I thought I did.
GUILT RIDDEN OR RID OF GUILT
If sex is a topic that we so desperately seek to keep secret, masturbation is steeped in even greater concealment. Perhaps this is due to centuries of stigmatization. Even our parents attempted to shame us out of this practice. Unbelievable as it is, the guilt which used to be associated with this practice continues through the present time. The 1989 Kinsey Report revealed that 48% of the population disapproves of masturbation. It's no wonder that we don't talk about it. Of the people polled, only 18.8% felt that there was nothing wrong with masturbation. The remaining individuals had the following opinions: 3.4 % reported no opinion, 27% felt that it was always wrong, 21% felt that it was almost always wrong, and 29.8% felt that it was wrong some of the time. Yet 94% of all men and 70% of all women masturbate.
If masturbation is so widely practiced, then why is it so steeped in guilt? Masturbation was declared to be the cause of blindness, homosexuality, insanity and if that wasn't bad enough, interfering with a person's ability to work. Despite these views being debunked by Henry Havelock Ellis and others, guilt continues to plague us to the point that we conceal the fact that we masturbate from our partners. Whether a matter of embarrassment or simple privacy, an overwhelming majority of us hide this activity. There's not too much that can be done to assuage those who are ashamed other than to make clear that you are not alone in that practice or desire.
Even with a healthy attitude towards masturbation, most people consider it sloppy seconds. Something to be done only when you are single or when you are so desperate that nothing else matters. On the flip side of that coin, partners may feel insecure about their lovemaking skills if they know you are masturbating. It really doesn't have to be this way. Communication can work miracles and well, masturbation is basically what you make of it. It can be a rote series of maneuvers or an exploration in sensuality. Whether you have a partner or not, masturbation is a healthy means of sexual expression.
TESTOSTERONE TRANSMUTATIONS
Before we get started there are some things you should know. Both the clitoris (androgenized or not) and the penis contain two corpora cavernosa composed of erectile tissue. Just as with a penis, the corpora cavernosa engorges with blood when sexually stimulated. One of the earliest effects noted as a result of testosterone usage is the enlargement of the clitoris (in this case also commonly referred to as a microphallus, neophallus, androgenized clitoris, etc.). Since I'm not going to be able to please everyone, I'm just going to use "ac" for androgenized clitoris. As length and/or girth increases, the size of the corpus cavernosa concomitantly increases. The most notable changes occur during the first year. Lengths have been reported between 1 to 3 inches.
The introduction of testosterone not only alters physiobiology, but it can affect sexual appetite as well. Some individuals have reported an increase in libido shortly after a shot and a significant decrease within a few days (2-3) days before their next shot. Decreased libido can be accompanied by less intense orgasms or requiring more manipulation to achieve one. However, for the purposes of this article the goal of masturbation is pleasure, not orgasm. Orgasm is the cream cheese icing on the carrot cake.
Everyone who masturbates does so rather differently although the same basic techniques apply. For those of you who were masturbating prior to taking testosterone (and I hope that you were/are), the physiological changes will require you to make a series of adjustments which will continue until the AC growth reaches a plateau. For those of you not intending to use testosterone, the information set forth within this article is applicable.
METHODS
Keep in mind that performance anxiety is one of the most detrimental barriers to physical pleasure. Insistence that orgasm be achieved on each and every occasion or within a certain period of time will inevitable lead to frustration. The whole goal of this exercise is to learn what feels good to you.
Just as there are four earthly elements there are four basic modes of masturbating: manual (earth), electricity (fire), water, and suction (air). Manual manipulation is the most common. Some people enjoy a circular pattern while others squeeze their genitals, or use a pulling stroke. Some spend more time stimulating the shaft and others spend more on the glans (head). A large number of people masturbate while lying on their backs. Some masturbate on their side or their stomach. Masturbation does not have to, but may include nipple stimulation, anal and/or vaginal penetration. Whatever it happens to be, rest assured, it's been done before. If you are bored, try a dab of Icy Hot or Tiger Balm on the glans, but first make sure that you're not allergic by trying a small spot on your arm. That's guaranteed to wake you right up!
Vibrators provide more intensity because they can move faster than your hand ever could. The pros are that orgasms tend to be relatively quick and intense. The cons are vibrator dependance or frustration when it's not accessible. Also, overusage tends to result in desensitization. Electricity works much better than batteries. There's nothing worse than being on the edge and having the batteries die.
Water is a nice change of pace, but does require a little practice. Sometimes the actual bathtub faucet can be used, but more often than not it won't work too well and wastes an incredible amount of water. You can buy shower head converters or shower massagers that will allow you to direct a stream of water on the area that you wish to stimulate. Varying water temperature can result in different sensations. Again you want to be careful not to over stimulate. You may want to leave this for special occasions.
Suction is an entire topic unto itself. The penis pumps provide suction that with a bit of manipulation can result in increased sensitivity and/or orgasm. Most often it is used in conjunction with digital manipulation. The pump will be covered in the next article.
If your partner feels threatened by the fact that you are taking time to pleasure yourself, you have a number of options: let them watch, include them in the session, have the masturbation be the prelude to sex, or come up with better approach or resolution. Whatever you do, talk to your partner to find out what the real issue is. Perhaps it is something simple such as not spending enough time together or maybe they just feel left out. Take the time to figure out what works for you and determining what your partner's needs are as well. You don't necessarily have to sacrifice one set of needs over the other. Who knows, you might find something new to try between the sheets.
MASTURBATION AS RITUAL
As with anything, practice makes perfect. Some people just rush through the deed as if it were an annoyance or inconvenience. If you can't pleasure yourself, how can you expect someone else to be able to do it?
Time is a valuable commodity. There are some occasions when you barely just have the time to meet your basic needs. Creating a special ritual around masturbation will help you slow down, relax and just get into a better state of mind. You don't have to create a five hour ordeal, ring certain bells or burn a special incense. You can make it that complicated if that's what you're into. If you masturbate regularly you will have a general idea of how long it takes to achieve orgasm. You may want to set aside an hour as a rule of thumb to ensure that you don't rush through what you are doing. You want to take the time necessary to learn what your body likes instead of just carrying out a series of rote actions. A little effort is establishing some time to explore will more than pay for itself in the long run by extending and prolonging your pleasure. Who knows it could even make you a better lover than you already are.
Before even changing your current methods, there are a couple of things that you can do to find out what will work best for you. Pay attention to patterns in your life. When do the phones tend to ring? When are you most likely to be interrupted? How long does it take for you to unwind? Are you hornier in the mornings than the evenings? What kind of music gets you in the mood? Are you hornier after your shot? Keep track of timing. Is the first day after your shot the most intense or is it the fourth? Do you tend to have difficulty orgasming right before shot day? A simple analysis of these cycles will give you a general idea of the best time to perform a masturbation ritual. If you are hornier in the mornings you may want to plan your longer sessions for the weekends, when you can take your time without worrying about being late for work. If it's in the evenings you will want to start early enough that your usual sleep patterns are not interrupted, particularly if you have to go to work the next day. If you are so busy, that you just can't factor it in, try a late Friday night when you have the weekend to recuperate.
Now that you have a general idea of when interruptions occur, you can set some time aside when you are not likely to be interrupted. Turn the phone off, the answering machine on, or both. Make the effort to change the space slightly when you do masturbate.
For those of you who require elaborate ritual, candles are excellent to soften the lighting and set the mood. You might want to burn a little incense. Put on some of your favorite music and get comfortable. Take a bath. Put on a favorite silk bathrobe, boxers, g-string, jock strap or other clothing.
Get together whatever toys you plan to use. Start to explore your body. Pay attention to textures and sensations. If you have never seen yourself before get a hand mirror. What's the shape of your AC? What does it look like before you get started? During? After? Does the glans (i.e. head) get red? Purple? What do you feel as you become aroused? Can you feel yourself get hard? Does it throb? Does it feel better when you stroke the right side or the left, the underside, the top, etc.? Does the sensitivity roam? Do you like stroking the glans or the shaft? Pay attention to your patterns. Even when you are doing a "quickie" listen to what your body is telling you.
Hey, all you speed queens out there! This ain't the Indy 500. It's an exercise to figure out your responsiveness to certain stimuli not to see how fast you can get off. If it helps you get off faster, fantastic, but don't force it. By making the goal exploration as opposed to orgasm, you encourage relaxation. While working on speed is great, it should not be done to the exclusion of all else. There should be no need to rush. If you are getting too frustrated stop for a little bit, stimulate another erogenous zone, try a fantasy or some erotica, visual or verbal. Try to avoid falling into a routine. Vary the days, techniques, and positions that you use. Think about using an aid whether it be a vibrator or different brand of lubricant.
PRODUCTS
Lubricants: Lubrication will help to avoid chaffing thus making you a much happier person. You don't have to swim in it, but a little dab will do ya. You have the option of using water or oil based lubes. The water based versus oil based dilemma is not really an issue here unless others are involved in your session or penetration is part of the mix. If penetration is going to be a part of the mix, condom usage is recommended. Anytime that you use latex water based lubricants are preferable as oil will break down the latex. My personal preference is oil-based for jack off sessions and water-based for most penetration. Keep in mind that water soluble and water based are totally different things.
Your two basic considerations at this point will more than likely be the clean up process (i.e. potential for making a mess, staining the sheets, etc.) and the possibility of allergies. An allergic reaction to a condom or lubricant containing spermicide such as Nonoxynol-9 are pretty common. Allergic reactions include irritation, redness, itching, yeast and/or bladder infections. In short, not a very good time. You may be better off avoiding this substance altogether. Read the label as some brands (such as Foreplay) have two formulas, one with Nonoxynol-9 and one without.
If you don't already have a favorite brand of lubricant, shop around. A number of places (usually not the drug stores) have tester bottles which provide the opportunity you to check out the product before you buy. Test the viscosity by place a dollop of lube between your thumb and forefinger. Rub them together and keep rubbing until the lube becomes tacky. Pull your fingers apart to test for stickiness. The length of time that it takes to do so will give you an idea of how well the product holds it's viscosity. Less viscosity basically means that you will need to apply lube more often. Oil based lubes are more viscous than water based lubes, but beware of scented or spiced oils as they can also potentially create an allergic reaction. A good way to determine whether you have an allergy is to rub some of it on your skin. The problem of course is that your wrist or hand or elbow are likely to be a lot less sensitive. If you must have a spiced oil, try a dropping 3 -4 cloves into some mineral or baby oil.
Examples of oil based lubes: mineral oil, baby oil, Vaseline®, Crisco®, Wet® - Oil formula, lotions. Examples of water based lubes: Probe®, K-Y Jelly®, Astroglide®, Foreplay®, Elbow Grease® and Wet® original or light formulas. I recently discovered iT™ Personal Lubricant a water based and water soluble. It is condom compatible and contains no spermicide. I was impressed with it's ability to retain viscosity. I haven't taken iT™ for a test drive yet, but will let you know what I learn in a future article. iT™ comes in 2 oz. (approx $4) and 8 oz. (approx. $9) sizes.
Lubricants are about more than just viscosity. It's a matter of personal preference. You can go in search of the most viscous product to find that you just don't like it. If you are experimenting, you may want to buy a 2 oz bottle or the smallest size that you can get or better yet, most lubricant suppliers provide small one use samples of their products called "pillows". Some are easier to find than others. Be patient and try what you find until you settle on your favorite brand(s).
Towels versus Chuxs: You may also want to take a couple of precautions so that you aren't running off to do laundry after every session. It's awful trying to get oil out of the sheets and mattress. Placing a towel under you will reduce the risk of the lube getting onto or staining the sheets. Rather than ruining a perfectly good bath towel, you can buy small towels in bulk at a store such as Costco/Price Club. These are great for sex anyway, so the $12-15 that you spend for the 10 - 20 towels is worth the small investment. Pay attention to the dimensions of the towels as they come in two different sizes. You don't want kitchen towels. Hand towels are the desired size.
If you are a lube hound or you have the ability to ejaculate, the towel won't be enough. To be absolutely sure that you aren't going to leak through the towel and create a wet spot use "chuxs". Chuxs are pads primarily used by people suffering from incontinence or for changing babies. No they are not diapers. Depends are not dependable in this situation. What you are looking for has a rectangular blue plastic backing and use cotton or other absorbent materials for the top and middle layers. They can be purchased at your local pharmacy: (Walgreens, Walmart, Long's, Savon, etc.) Packaging varies, but they are usually sold in small, medium and large sizes. The mediums should work just fine. You can also purchase them at a medical supply stores. Don't be afraid to ask about pricing. Sometimes purchasing individual sheets are less expensive than the prepackaged box. A recent trip to Choice Medical Supply in Seattle resulted in single sheets being sold at $0.71 per individual unit versus $.99 per prepackaged unit. Prepackaged units were only sold 30 or more to the package.
Vibrators: Before you start rallying the lynch mob, yes men do use vibrators. Some use them on their balls, others on the shaft of their penises, yet others stimulate the glans. In some instances it's all of the above. Don't let preconceived notions get the best of you. If that's the case, hide the quiche now. If a vibrator feels good why not just do it?
There are some options when purchasing these devices. The first is a decision between battery operated or electrical. Variable speed is another option. Some vibrators have only one speed while others have two or have a knob which allows the speed to gradually increase.
While the battery operated vibrators are often half the cost of the electrical ones, their life span is not predictable and will inevitably poop out long before the electrically operated ones. Battery operated vibrators are more mobile, but there is always the risk of having the batteries run down while on the brink of orgasm. If you feel that this will add excitement rather than frustration, then it's the way to go. The last caveat is with respect to battery size, so all you size queens listen up. A vibrator taking double A batteries will provide less get up and go than one which takes C batteries. By now there must be some that take D's. Estimated cost of the vibrator, not including batteries, is between $10 to $20.
There are two main types of electric vibrators, wands and coils. The wands are usually about twelve inches long and have a vibrating knob on the end. The coil vibrators tend to be smaller (about 7 inches long) and have been described by Dr. Ruth Westheimer as resembling "a portable electric mixer [which] includes various attachments to provide different kinds of sensation on the body". Again what you chose depends on personal preference. Examples of wands: Hitachi Magic Wand, Sunbeam Stick Massager, Panasonic Reach Easy, and the Relaxus Rechargeable. Prices vary between $35 and $60. Examples of coils: Prelude 3, Wahl coil, and the Sunbeam coil. Prices vary between $25 and $30 with attachments ranging from $5 on up.
LIST OF RESOURCES: These days you don't need to go to an adult book store/ sex shop to buy the above products. Most major pharmacies such as Thrifty's, Long's Drugs, Savon Drugs, Walmart and Walgreen's carry all of the types of products mentioned above products. While you may obtain a costs savings, selection may be limited. Major Department stores are also a potential venue for vibrators.
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By Michael M. Hernandez
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