I first saw Hal Heller at a play party and was immediately attracted to his sense of humor and his bearish good looks. Okay, he did more than capture my attention. I drooled non-stop. I don't know how, but I overcame my shyness and expressed an interest. This was mid-1991 and I was still in the beginning stages of transition. I doubt highly that I even looked old enough to shave, but the fact that I was at the party was evidence enough of my adulthood.

After 3 coffee dates we decided to play. We did for several years. Our scenes were typically peppered with laughter, lots of switching, and wicked senses of humour. One time I'd top, the next he would, so it there was plenty of pay-back to be had.

Hal was the first gay man who fully accepted me as a man, as his peer. The fact that we even played meant having to overcome some of how he viewed the world and how my particular incarnation sort of shook up those definitions that are taken for granted by non-trans folk. He took the plunge and became one my of most vocal proponents.

We gradually moved from a sexual to a non-sexual place in our dynamic which blossomed into an incredibly wonderful friendship. We never discussed why the dynamic had changed and I'm not exactly sure why that was other than it seemed mutual. Yet, I did not for a moment doubt the sincerity of his words or his unconditional acceptance of me as a fellow queer man.

We didn't speak often, but when we did, managed to pick up right where we left off. Hal was one of those people who didn't say a bad word about anyone and made you feel like you were his very best friend. But it was and is more than friendship or sex. Hal was one of those people who could make you feel that dreams really could come true if you had the courage to do more than just fantasize, to stop placing obstacles in your path, and to stop waiting for "the right time" because there never really is such a thing.

I took Hal's existence for granted and didn't realize it until after his unexpected death in October of 1999. I knew that he was ill and in retrospect should have made more time together. His death has made it abundantly clear that tomorrow is truly a mystery. We have no idea how many days we or others have left. I for one do not want a wasted moment to go by. Wasted because I was afraid to act. Wasted because I did not say what I felt. Wasted because of self-imposed fear or limitation. Wasted because I was going through the motions simply to pay the bills.

It's been almost 7 years since his death and he's still in my thoughts. The pain has diminished, but I still miss him dearly.

You can help me honor Hal's memory in two simple ways. First, swallow your pride and inhibitions and take the time to tell someone just how much you love them. Last, but definitely not least , follow your dreams, whatever they may be.