Whether by intent or design there are some things that are not openly discussed among transgendered men. Discussion of sex remains the greatest taboo for us. Whatever information is disseminated is passed through means of muted whispers.
Irrespective of our sexual orientation, inevitably the time comes for most of us to purchase our first dick, a dildo. For some the process is easier than for others. Yet, whether from own inhibitions, fears or embarrassment, we run into the store, grab the first thing on the shelf, and run out as quickly as we entered. The result is often disappointment and a wasted buck (actually quite a few).
What the first dick winds up being, depends on a variety of factors. You will be looking for different qualities in a pants stuffer (i.e. packing dick) than one intended for sexual use. Packing exceeds the scope of this article.
My hope is that this article will provide some basic information so that the first shopping trip is stressless (for some of you very shy types as stressless as possible) and to help save money otherwise spent educating yourself on what will work. The saved funds will hopefully enable you to enrich the "New Chest Kitty". Hey lets face it guys, every penny counts.
Your first experience can, within reason, be whatever you choose to make it. It can be a chore or it can be an adventure. Remember, everyone's experience is different. You have nothing to be worried or ashamed about. After all this is yet another adventure on the transgendered path.
BEFORE YOU GO TO THE STORE
Dildos vary in shape, color, size, and models. They vibrate, squirt, wiggle, shimmy and shake. Some are only good for packing while others have multiple purposes. Prices vary from $35 - 90.00 U.S. or more depending on dimensions and quality. In short, experimentation can set you back several hundred dollars since this is not an item which is capable of being returned for a refund.
Before you even go to the local store, you should run through a brief checklist. Are you buying the dick with the intention of using it on someone in particular? If so, it would be a really good idea to get that person involved in the selection process. What looks great for you to wear might not be so great for you to use on a partner. Your potential partner may have issues around penetration or require some time and patience in adjusting to smaller items before moving up to something larger. Bigger is not necessarily better. How big is too big is a decision to be made between the partners. You want your first dick to be functional and comfortable for all parties involved.
Dildos come in a variety of sizes and diameters, however, there are some basic standards. While you can get 4, 10, 12, 13, and up [all the size queens please sit down], you should leave "specialty sizes" to future purchases.
The easiest way to reduce the amount of time looking for a store or the amount of time to spend in the store is to complete some preliminary homework. Ask the other transgendered men, who you feel comfortable speaking to, about their experience. Yet don't discount other avenues of information. Do not assume that certain groups of people will have better information than other groups. Use common sense in determining who you ask for information. Some people are easily offended by such questions.
If you have gay friends, they can be an abundant source of information. Please keep your hunger and enthusiasm in check. No matter how much Joe likes his 13" John Stryker, you don't want this to be YOUR first purchase. Some, but not all lesbians, use dildos. The ones who do will usually have a better collection than your gay friends. Ask each person to tell you what worked or didn't work for them. Ask where they purchased the dick, how much it cost, the name of the manufacturer or name of the dick, and the size. These folks might be willing to show you each one and explain the strengths and weaknesses of each. You might even organize an interesting show and tell session. Keep in mind that everyone's taste is different. You will need to figure out what works best for you.
SEARCH FOR THE STORE
You are practically guaranteed that an adult bookstore in your area will have dildos available. The problem is that a lot of these places have a seedy feel to them and you never know what the selection will be like. If you have never purchased a dildo before, the ambiance of the local adult bookstore will not be conducive to the careful attention that you may want to take.
If you are fortunate enough to live in a City with a large lesbian population you might find a local women's erotica or vibrator store such as Good Vibrations in San Francisco or Oakland. Do NOT call all of the women's bookstores in your area to ask if they carry dildos. You are liable to wind up getting chewed out. The stores serving the leather community will also carry these items. Pick up a paper at a local gay bar and look for the leather stores listed or check the pages of Drummer, The Leather Journal, Bear Magazine, Dungeon Master, Sandmutopia Guardian, Pucker Up or On Our Backs. A word of warning, if you do not like sexually explicit photos don't look through the magazines. Different strokes for different folks and all.
DIMENSIONS AND STYLES
Hopefully now you know where to shop, have received advice on dimensions and you have a general idea of what it is that you want to buy. If you don't have others to assist you in collecting information, you will need to do the all of the legwork yourself. Plan to spend some time perusing the selection at each store.
The most common dildo lengths are 6, 7 and 9 inches. They are measured from base to tip, so that the 6" does not mean that the shaft is 6" in length. Depending on the length and thickness of the base the 6" cock that you buy may in actuality be 4". The reason that this is important is that if the shaft is too short, the dildo will not remain appropriately situated. You are bound for a lot of frustration. How long the shaft needs to be will also depend on your relative size and the position of you and your partner. As a rule of thumb shoot for a 6-7" shaft length.
Dildos also vary in diameter ranging from 1" to 6". As a rule of thumb 1 - 1 1/2 in diameter will be large enough. Again, involve your partner as much as possible in the decision making process. Some stores charge less for the shorter length while others charge the same irrespective of the length.
OTHER REQUIREMENTS
In addition to the dick you will need to purchase a harness, lube, condoms. These can usually be purchased in the same store as your purchased the dick. I will cover each of these topics in another article. Latex gloves don't hurt either and can be purchased at a medical supply store or at your local Costco/Price Club for approximately $10.00 for a box of 100.
Harnesses come in two basic styles, jock strap configuration and g-string. Both have waist and leg straps. The g-string model has a strap that sits between your buttocks and straps to the back of the waist belt. The jock strap appears to be just that, a leather jock strap with an "o" ring instead of a pouch. Cost depends on the material used. Leather is more expensive than nylon strapping.
Use a condom on your dildo whether or not you intend to use it on only one partner. It makes clean up easier and is good safer sex practice. Find out what your partner's favorite brand is or buy a variety. I prefer Gold Coin and Trojan brands. Avoid lubricated condoms.
Avoid oil based lubricants and they break down latex. Oil also provide the primary environment for the development of a yeast infection. Your women partners will be a lot happier with you if you follow this advice. There are a lot of people who are allergic to non-oxynol 9, so try to avoid lubricants containing that ingredient. Also beware of this product in lubed condoms. Probe, Wet, and Astro Glide are a few of the products which are free from oil and non-oxynol 9. READ THE LABEL before purchasing. Most places provide test bottles which allow you to feel the lube before purchase. Place a dollop on your fingers. Rub them together. How is the viscosity? Does it break down quickly? Does it have a scent? A taste? Pull your fingers apart. Is it sticky? Continue to rub your fingers to get an idea of how the lube breaks down. How long until that slippery feeling disappears? These are all things that you will want to factor into your purchase.
Condoms and lubricant cost less at your local pharmacy or grocery store, but selection tends to be limited.
PICS AND PANS
THE FAMILY JEWEL is now believed to be marketed as "The Real Man" under the "Better Than Real Collection". This dildo is manufactured in 6", 7" and 9" as well as caucasian, mulato, and black (these are the designations used by the manufacturer). This seems to be the only line which caters to men of color. Diameter believed to be 1 inches. At one time a 4" softee for packing could be special ordered. The problem with the softee was ball sheer. Cost approximately $40 - $46.
DOC JOHNSON now manufactures three lines of dildos. The first are comprised of a harder and are less in price. Examples of this line are the Tool [7 " length, 2" width hereafter listed as 7.25:1, cost $10.00], the Natural [6:1 or 7:1, $13 - $15], the Ballsy Super Cock [6:1.25, $8]. It comes in a glossy black or pink. Harder and more unyielding than other materials, therefore easy to cause bruising with overzealous use.
The second line are the "Realistic" line. These dildos are much softer and yielding than the first line and are almost identical to the Real Man dildos. However, I was unable to find any color selection. The Realistic comes in cut and uncut (referring to circumcision or the lack thereof) and in 6 and 7" lengths. Diameter is believed to range between 1 to 2", but I was unable to confirm actual figures. The Executive appears to be the same product but in a 5" length. Cost $35 - 45.
The third line appears to be a specialty line containing Kong (9:6.75, $50 - 58), Chris Lord (approx. 10:3, $60), Jeff Stryker (approx. 11:3, $60), and Sean Davis Models (approx. 9:3, $60]. These should clearly not be your first purchase unless you are accompanied by the person who will be sharing it who specifically requests something this big.
SCORPIO PRODUCTS: These dildos come in pastels and are available with ridges as opposed to a fairly straight shaft. Manufactured in a variety of shapes (dolphins, dancing corn, etc.) Price check was unavailable.
OTHER PRODUCTS: Swedish Erotica manufactures dildos competitive with the first line of the Doc Johnson, but could prove problematic in a harness due to small bases ($14 - 20). Crystal Jellies and Jelly Royale look ridiculous in clearly pink and off white colors with what appears to be glitter poured into the mold. However, they were quite yielding to the touch (approx. 6:1 - 8:2.5, $20 - $25). The Emperor also comes in a range of colors, but I was only able to locate 9 and 12" models which may be too large for a first purchase ($45 - $50).
THE STORE AND AFTER
Don't be afraid to take your time. Read and compare the prices of similar products in each store. You might even want to comparison shop. Look at the products carefully. Feel them. Is this what you and/or your partner want?
If you are embarrassed to do this alone, ask a friend for help or plan a field trip. Make it a fun event instead of a traumatic one. Preferably take someone with you who has done this before. The people that work at these stores are used to newbies. Get a feel for the sales clerks. Obviously Oggie, who is reading the paper, may not be the clerk to ask help from. Check the quality control while you are at the store. Is there a return policy? Even if the policy is "no returns", ask about if the product is defective. Open the product up while at the store, after you have bought it, to ensure that there are no defects. You are more likely to be able to get a return.
After arriving home with the new purchase you will want to open the package and allow the product to air out so that any plastic odors will dissipate. Wash in antiseptic soap and water. Bleach and water solution [1 part bleach to 9 parts water], are excellent for cleaning most products. Read the label for cleaning instructions before using bleach. Always pat dry.
*good parts omitted for the sake of brevity*
Clean after EVERY use!
I hope that the new purchase brings pleasure for years to come. Questions or further information please write to Lbear@koan.com
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By Michael M. Hernandez
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